


Facing Reality

by Monsieur_Grenouille



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Canon Non-Binary Character, Childhood Trauma, Gen, Intrusive Thoughts, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:22:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27986124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monsieur_Grenouille/pseuds/Monsieur_Grenouille
Summary: Charlie sits alone at the bar, wondering where he went wrong.MANY TRIGGERS: ALCOHOLISM, NEGLECT, S*LF-H*RM
Kudos: 16





	Facing Reality

**Author's Note:**

> Today I learned that Charlie is canonically non-binary, which didn’t come as any surprise to me. But I also wanted to write a fic, so here I am. I’m

Charlie sat in a chair in the corner of the bar, staring at the floor. He had thirty minutes to himself while the others went to the store to buy alcohol. Usually, people enjoy this so-called free time. But Charlie didn’t. It meant he was alone with himself again. Alone with all his thoughts of his childhood and reality. 

Charlie hated reality. He hated admitting that he was mentally fucked up and that he could never be fixed. Alcohol wouldn’t fix it. It would probably make it worse in the long run. But at the moment, it numbed everything. It put a bandaid over his bullet wound and gave him Tylenol after he ingested cyanide. He knew it was bad, but it felt good. Losing himself in fantasy worlds and behaving as characters he saw on TV always distracted himself from the reality of who he was. 

But that only worked when he has Mac, Dee, Dennis, or Frank to watch him do it. If nobody was there to share the moment and share the pain, what good is it? It doesn’t soften the blow; it just makes him a thirty-something year old man getting drunk and high to avoid things. And drinking with friends is better because then you’re all insane. The gang gave him a family he never had. With his mom neglecting him all the time as a child, and especially abandoning him every Christmas for the several men dressed as Santa, he always felt like he wasn’t worthy. His heart wasn’t worthy. “I could never be loved,” he had whispered to Mac when they were alone in his treehouse at 11 years old. 

Mac had said to calm down and that he’d always be there for him. But look at where they are now. They’re both broken alcoholics trying to pay the bills and fighting the urge to die. Where’d Charlie go wrong? He could’ve taken his mental illness and made it work by going to therapy and getting medicated. He had _potential_.

But instead, he chose to not try. Because who could ever want someone who’s been broken since day one?

Alone, in his chair, Charlie chewed on his arm. The pain and the teethmarks reminded him that he existed, he was real, and it could never change. It reminded him that this was the world for him, and it would never change.


End file.
